About Boundaries, Liberation and Human Connection
by Anne Maria Popanda (T&P Cologne organiser)
When I attended my first Touch&Play, I had already spent years exploring the complex
interplay of body, mind, and soul. My journey had led me to recognize the powerful force of
sexual energy—an intrinsic drive that influences us all in different ways. At that time, I was already teaching workshops based on the ancient wisdom of Tantra and guiding women in sensual empowerment. However, I had never before participated in an event where sexual expression was explicitly invited—where “love spaces” existed for people to explore and embrace their desires. The thought of it terrified me somehow.
My fear manifested physically: on the day I arrived, I was hit by a severe migraine. Instead of joining the opening circle to meet the community, I found myself in the hot tub, trying to relax and ease my pain. Alright, I thought. If all else fails, I’ll just spend the week unwinding in the wellness area. I wasn’t entirely alone, though. People noticed, reached out, and offered care. And in that moment, I realized something simple yet profound which can be experienced at Touch&Play a lot: as human beings, we naturally care for one another.
As the festival unfolded, so did a beautiful, playful, and deeply enriching journey. Rather
than facing a series of triggers, I found myself laughing, playing, and marveling at the way people communicated—with openness, creativity, and respect. I was struck by the way playfulness and connection emerged simply because people dared to ask for what they wanted. And even more, I saw how the act of asking—combined with a heightened awareness of personal boundaries—created a deeper sense of freedom.
Here’s what I came to understand: When I can trust that you will honor your own boundaries—when “yes” and “no” carry equal weight—I am free to express my desires without fear.
This transformation was made possible by the deep and intentional consent work which is
taught at the beginning of every Touch&Play gathering. Whether you’re a newcomer, a returning participant, or a long-time elder, everyone receives this foundational guidance.
And through it, a unique culture emerges—one in which we can relax into our experience,
knowing that there is space for learning always and that we support each other in navigating
through. This, in turn, allows us to be more playful, more open, and ultimately, more authentically ourselves.
And that authenticity extends to every aspect of who we are—including our sexuality.
For me, the term “sex-positive” holds value in that it creates space for open, conscious
exploration of sex—acknowledging it as something deeply human and powerful rather than
something hidden or taboo. But that doesn’t mean the same thing for everyone. In my own
journey, being in mindful, intentional spaces allowed me to explore not only my desires but
also my emotions, attachment patterns, past wounds, and the profound spiritual
expansiveness that intimacy can bring. I’ve learned to listen to my body’s wisdom—its clear
signals of yes and no. And the more a no is met with a simple, appreciative “thank you” (as we practice in Touch&Play), the more freely and unexpectedly a yes can emerge.
To clarify:
To me sex-positive doesn’t mean being open to having sex with many people; rather, it
means understanding my own needs and desires around sexuality and embodying them in a
way that feels truthful and aligned for me.
Over time, we have moved beyond the label of “sex-positive” and now describe Touch&Play
as “post-positive”—acknowledging that sexuality is not the central focus of these events. It is
simply one element, existing alongside dance, movement, singing, conversation, tears,
cuddling, touch, and exploration.
What I love most about Touch&Play is how it creates a space where liberation is not just
personal but deeply connected to something relational that manifests in the collective
experience. It’s a space where people from various backgrounds, with diverse desires,
motivations, and intentions, come together and connect to something which for me feels
fundamental and inherently beautiful.
Through touch and play, we open ourselves to love, to the basic goodness in one another,
and to the shared human experience.
